Celebrating Reclamation Day: Fallout 76 Party

It’s been three years since our last Fallout party, and with the release of Fallout 76, it felt right to use Reclamation Day as an excuse to host another.

As I have mentioned on previous occasions, I am not a gamer myself, but there is something about the Fallout world that really appeals to me.  The aesthetics of the 1950’s retro-futurism, and the nostalgic easy listening soundtrack continues to draw me to the franchise, and it was exciting to have a new game to draw some inspiration from for our next re-creation.

Our decision was also fuelled by our visit in November, to the Bethesda Studios in concert event at the Hammersmith Apollo, London. The event (supporting the work of War Child) delivered an incredible performance of Bethesda’s most popular game soundtracks, including from Fallout and the Elder Scrolls, with some of these pieces conducted by the legendary games composer himself, Inon Zur.

It had certainly whetted our appetite for more Fallout.

War. War Never Changes: Introduction to Fallout 76 & Critical Reception

Fallout 76 is a prequel to the previous games, set only twenty five years after the “Great War” of 2077, during which a brief nuclear exchange gave birth to the post-apocalyptic wasteland that gamers are now very familiar with.  Earlier iterations were set much later in the alternate-reality timeline, with Fallout 4 set in 2289, some 185 years after the bombs fell. Fallout 76, as a result, has a vivid and rich quality to it, in direct contrast to the decaying and muted colours of its predecessors.

The franchise has players assuming the role of a vault dweller (except, of course, in Fallout:New Vegas where the player is a courier rather than a vault dweller). Vault dwellers survived the initial fallout by taking refuge in one of the US’ many fallout shelters run by the sinister Vault-Tec corporation.  Vault-Tec were prolific in the art of jingo-ism, and the parallels to some of the rhetoric of the franchise is startlingly similar to that of the Trump administration we are witnessing today.

This time, players emerge from Vault 76 on Reclamation Day and into the vast lands of Appalachia (representing West Virginia), which is four times the size of the world of Fallout 4, with the main objective to re-colonise the wasteland.  This task is interrupted by a number of quests that result in the investigation, and ultimate neutralisation of a Scorchbeast hive, which threatens to thwart the primary goal.

(My selfie outside Vault 76)

Fallout 76 has been slammed across the gaming community since the BETA release in the Autumn, and Bethesda has had a challenge on its hands trying placate those who feel that this wonderful franchise has been compromised by bug infested game play, server issues and notable absence of NPCs.  Bethesda has also faced a number of controversies regarding the sale of the Power Armor special edition which helped fuel the criticism aimed at the studio (although I am pleased to report that, having ordered this special edition version, a replacement canvas bag can be expected over the next few months).

Whilst the move towards an online multiplayer RPG format promised a better playing experience, the reality of the technical issues has meant that the multiplayer function has succeeded only in creating an even more desolate world than the one the developers intended.  However, all that notwithstanding, there is significant promise in the game, and the introduction of a more structured story arc, and some well developed NPCs in future patches would go a long way to redeem the franchise.

But enough of that, let’s get into the details of how we set out to organise the party!

Find Me There: Welcome to Vault 76!

To make the invitation, I used the original game text from the Fallout Wiki page, and customised it to fit our party details.

You can find the link here:

http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Letter_from_Vault-Tec

Wandering Appalachia: The Wasteland

Having now hosted quite a few Fallout parties (Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, Fallout 4) we have accumulated a good haul of Fallout merchandise (including a Pip Boy and carry case, Quantum bottle, New Vegas coaster and bottle caps), but this was the first time we have hosted a Fallout party at our new house which meant we needed to re-asses how we would plan the party.

The four giant West Virginia tourism posters, the Reclamation Day post card and the Vault-Boy masks were acquired these from the goodie bag we received at the Bethesda in Concert event in November. Such a good stash!

The T-51b Power Armor helmet was also a new addition, having been provided as part of the controversial Fallout 76 Special Edition.  It is pretty impressive – fully wearable with functioning head light and voice changer!

I also managed to find some inexpensive promotional bunting on eBay which looked great.

In the spirit of trying to avoid buying too much new stuff, I re-use our awesome LED strip lighting (changed from the white I recently used in my DS9 party to a radioactive yellow) and re-used the bottle labels for the Nuka Cola from last time.

Reclamation Day:  A birthday celebration

Whilst I wanted to use the traditional blue and yellow Fallout colours, I was keen to re-invigorate our previous styles and decided to add a touch of sparkle and iridescence to the mix.  The gold sequin table runner we had bought for Christmas was perfect for the occasion, as were the oil slick cutlery, both working well with the blue and yellow palette.

My trusted vintage pie dishes and drinking cans added some wabi-sabi vibes alongside my favourite blue uranium glasses (sadly i didn’t manage to get a blue light to really make these beauties glow) and amber Habitat champagne saucers (again a nod to the mid-century preferred design).

To recognise that this was a birthday party, the promotional bunting came with a promotional Reclamation Day party hat. I also found one of the iconic Party Quest hats I’d made for our Fallout 3 party.

Guests were invited to have a go at a Fallout version of the retro board game, Operation, the buzzer styles as a Geiger counter warning!

Gather Around the C.A.M.P Fire:  Consumables

Fallout 76 doesn’t disappoint when it comes to the usual wasteland “consumables” and ability to craft and cook using those scavenged finds. Some of the well known items include InstaMash, Sugar Bombs and the refreshing Nuka Cola.  Guests were provided with an emergency supply of Rad Away, a wasteland essential (pomegranate juice).

Our menu included a Nuka Cola glazed ham, Sugar-bombed carrots, Stilton InstaMash, irradiated broiled broccoli, and BlamCo Mac ’n Cheese. 

If that wasn’t enough, a Mississippi Quantum Pie (with a meringue mushroom cloud thrown in for good measure) and a cheeseboard followed.  Many of the recipes were courtesy of the recently released Fallout Cookbook.

We Are One: Friends Welcome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IcqE8kT3KA

Despite the shortcomings of Fallout 76, we still had a blast celebrating James’ birthday in the Wasteland with our friends. Bethesda certainly got one thing right, at least, that Fallout is better with friends.

For more Fallout inspiration

Vault Dweller’s BIRTHDAY Survival Guide – Fallout 4 Thanksgiving Party 2015

Fallout: A Party Quest

NELSON, NV: New Vegas’ Most Notorious Ghost-Town

 

Have a very Harry Christmas!

This Christmas we were hosting both our parents and we wanted to plan something magical for their stay with us.

2018 has been a bit of a Potter-fest year for us. Following our visit to the West End to experience the magical Cursed Child play in May, I was propelled to re-listen to the Harry Potter audio books read by the fabulous Stephen Fry and visited some well known Potter sights in the city Including the temporary Fantastic Beasts: Wizarding World Wands installation outside St. Paul’s Cathedral supporting Lumos (thanks Craig and Leroy for taking us there!) and also visited the MinaLima design house (the incredibly talented team who created the unique and mesmerising wizarding world’s graphic art). We have also attended a wedding with Harry Potter accents as well as a Harry Potter themed Halloween party and have regularly frequented a local Harry Potter themed coffee garden (Cafe 46).

With Christmas playing such an important part of the Harry Potter novels, it seemed like an appropriate theme for our Christmas celebrations. I can’t really take credit for the ideas in this post, as I was heavily inspired by my long-standing Harry Potter Pinterest board, but I was pleased with how it all came together.

It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables… It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn’t simply open on to the heaven.

Recreating the Great Hall of Hogwarts appeared to be the biggest challenge, but a chance purchase from Amazon made this far less difficult than I expected. The floating candles are perfectly proportioned for the room and being remote controlled, were easy to switch on & off and even had different flicker settings. We attached them to the ceiling beams using fishing wire which was barely visible which meant they really did look like they were floating. Much better than making my own versions using toilet rolls and battery lights for sure!!

We decided not to replicate the table decor (mainly due to lack of time and resources), and instead opted for a simpler design with some nods to key parts of the books/movies. The runner was created using a piece of wrapping paper from Primark featuring the Marauders Map, with a sequin overlay. Platform 9 3/4 place names were customised from Etsy and the golden snitch furnished from a classically festive Ferrero Rocher with printed wings from Party Delights.

I was particularly pleased with my new crystal wine glasses that I bought at a local charity shop the week before Christmas. They looked gorgeous next to the gold glasses and the water glasses that James’ godparents bought for him back when he was a child.

Bottle labels were printed from Over the Big Moon online, and attached to old prosecco and gin bottles. The crackers (M&S) were sadly not quite wizard worthy with no rear-admiral hats or love white mice, but I thought the unusual design would be perfect!

The Christmas Feast

We sourced our bronze turkey from a local farm (Old Castle Farm, Neath) and had a selection of sides and my favourite Ina Garten cornbread stuffing. To finish we had a butterbeer semi-freddo adorned with a 70% finest croakoa chocolate frog.

We also filled a jar full of chocolate galleons for snacking.

Yer a wizard Harry!

It was fun to create the memorable acceptance letter fireplace scene using fishing wire and Harry Potter envelopes from a writing set. I was also very lucky to receive a set of MinaLima Hogwarts journals for Christmas and these will look stunning alongside my exercise book and train ticket wallet. Elf was in full dress robes for the occasion and we arranged for a direct route to the Ministry of Magic to be installed in the bathroom.

Finally, I made james a Weasley’s wizard wheezes themed advent calendar filled with sweets, chocolate and MTG trading cards. He was thrilled. The design was created by MySweetPaperCard on Etsy.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Supply List

Mina Lima https://store.minalima.com/house-of-minalima

The Cursed Child https://www.harrypottertheplay.com/uk/

Lumos https://www.wearelumos.org

Floating candles Raycare 12 PCS Led Flameless Taper Candles, Flickering Battery Operated Waterproof Electric Window Candle Lights, Warm White

It’s only a paper moon

There is no doubt that the epic television shows that we have all grown accustomed to owe a significant debt to the writers and creators of Star Trek:Deep Space Nine.Introducing DS9

The show first aired in 1993 (with The Next Generation, “TNG”, still running), but never gained the same degree of commercial success as its predecessors. This was largely due to the bold decision by the producers to move away from the franchise’s well-established episodic structure, and to opt instead for thematic and series-stretching story arches (which, of course, is now the norm in all of our best television shows).

With what started as innocuous mentions of the “Dominion” in series 2, we witness the literal infiltration of the Founders into the Alpha Quadrant, and the increasing undertones of menace results, by season 7, in all out inter galactic war between ever shifting alliances.

Unlike the original series and TNG, DS9 is based not on an exploratory ship, but on an ageing Cardassian space station, located at the final frontier of Federation space adjacent to a wormhole connecting the Alpha Quadrant with the previously unexplored Gamma quadrant. The core characters include both Federation and non-Federation species, which gives a unique perspective of the (to date, unquestioned) federation way of doing things. For the first time in Star Trek history, we see imperfect and flawed characters in continual conflict and often making questionable decisions. None of the characters are one dimensional and the main protagonists’ have greater affinity to characters such as Jaime Lannister and Walter White than they do to any Star Trek character seen before. The introduction of Section 31, in particular, represents, and indeed exposes, the darker side of the Federation.

It was also well ahead of the curve in terms of the significant screen time is gives to issues of race, PTSD, religion, war, discrimination and sexuality and the show also gives us strong and inspiring role models in Sisko, Dax and Major Kira.

As you may be able to tell, I absolutely love this show! I have watched the entire series twice and it continues to stand up to the high standard I have come to expect despite being 25 years old, which is a testament to the talent of the original production and acting teams. It is also showing on Netflix, and so I recommend that you give it a try (and accept that Season 1 is not a reflection of the series as a whole. I would be inclined to say skip season 1 but then again it does help with much of the character development of the main ensemble).

You are cordially invited: A DS9 Party

I wanted to celebrate this wonderful show by using it as the backdrop for my birthday dinner last weekend and it was such fun recreating a little part of DS9 at home.

Welcome to Vic’s

One of my favourite parts of DS9 were the holosuite episodes, particularly those invoking visits to the 1962 Las Vegas casino of Vic Fontaine. For the party, we recreated the bar’s backdrop and played music from the real life Vic Fontaine, Darren James.

The Replimat

The food was all lovingly replicated from the Replimat area of the station (except, of course, for the live Gagh*, imported especially from Kronos, the Klingon home world for the occasion). You May even notice that we borrowed the black plates from Captain Sisko’s quarters;) The Promenade’s favourite sweet treat, the jumja stick, also made an appearance.

Quark’s Bar

The beverage selection (including Trixian Bubble juice, Blood wine, Kanar and Romulan ale) procured from Quark in exchange for a hefty quantity of gold-pressed latinum. We were also very fortunate to find some authentic Raktajino mugs for after dinner.

Gateway to the Gamma Quadrant

And it wouldn’t be a birthday party without a cake, and we managed to also find a vintage DS9 micro machine (what could be more 1990s!!) to sit atop the wormhole cake.

Manual

1.Tube Grub Cocktail: your regular retro prawn cocktail and tempura prawns

2.Thanksgiving Turkey and Seasonal Bajoran Sides: Turkey crown, romanesco cauliflower with lemon and garlic, purple sweet potato pie, roast potatoes, roasted heritage carrots, cornbread and pepper stuffing, red cabbage

3.Gagh: Delia Smith chocolate mousse with jelly worms (lots of DIY instructions on Pinterest)

4.Jumja Sticks: Root beer and Sarsaparilla jelly shots

5.Romulan Ale: Blue colour changing gin (Aldi)

6.Table Decor: H&M Star table cloth, battery operated strip lighting (Amazon), metallic self-adhesive lining (Wilko’s), sequin backdrop (Amazon), Raktajino mugs (Hotjo), Menus (Cafepress), Invitation (Etsy)

7.T-shirt: Infrablack (Etsy)

Thanks to the Gravelle’s for coming:) We missed you Nesta and Shelley!

Welcome to Jurassic Park

1993 was another momentous year for the summer blockbuster: Every kid who’d had the pleasure of seeing Jurassic Park on the big screen left the theatre absolutely awestruck by the thrill and terror conjured by their beloved Spielberg.

After the frenzy of the opening scene, Spielberg masterfully builds the tension thereafter, culminating with a rippling glass of water, ominously approaching footsteps and a disappearing goat, as the king of dinosaurs himself, the Tyrannosaurus Rex, makes his terrifying entrance.

Whilst never going to fully replicate the brilliance of Michael Crichton’s novel of the same name, the movie succeeds in capturing its essence, in part due to the skills of the CGI and animatronics teams. It is difficult to believe that this movie is now 25 years old, as it is still just as impressive as it ever was.

To mark this cinematic anniversary, we decided it would make a perfect backdrop to our summer garden party.

Clever Girl

Invitations were employee ID cards accompanied by a park information guide replica. The gorgeous vintage postage stamps were from Etsy (ArtStamped).

We were fortunate to have a day of good weather, which meant we could fully utilise the outside space to try and re-create the park.

It was quite easy to find plenty of Dino-themed decorative pieces online, helped no doubt by the recent release of Jurassic World, and so we picked up a couple of Natural History Museum cardboard cutouts, some large wall murals and the fantastic When dinosaurs ruled the earth replica banner (Amazon.com)! A large cardboard box (housing the cutouts) was transformed into the iconic Jurassic Park entrance gate. A selection of toy dinosaurs, a velociraptor sound effect mask and some print outs of movie signage from the internet completed the look and the John Williams soundtrack playing on vinyl.

Don’t get cheap on me Dodson

The menu focussed on classic American dishes, including the always amazing Martha Stewart Mac n’ cheese, pulled pork and turkey dinosaurs. We also created a nacho volcano with blue nachos and blue cheese dip and for pudding, some green jello, red velvet cupcakes and mud pots. It wouldn’t have been a JP party without some reference to the plot that led to it all: that doomed attempt by disgruntled Denis Nedry to smuggle Dino embryos off the park in a Barbasol shaving cream can (which here was a whipped cream).

We also placed some old 1980s Natural History Museum toys amongst the food.

Life finds a way

Guests were met with a G&T from our cryo bar and we had imported Jurassic World Dr Pepper and Mexican coke for the kids and drivers.

It was also an excellent effort on the part of our guests: we had a Lex, Hammond and a number of park rangers and a raptor keeper.

As the sunshine started to wane, we all settled down to watch the movie on a “small” big screen in the garden!

Whilst we have come a long way in dinosaur knowledge since 1993, it is still one of the most exhilarating and exciting action movies of all time and there is now doubt the first in the Jurassic Park franchise will continue to inspire budding palaeontologists for years to come.

Thanks everyone for coming!

“Two young people fell in love, and we all turned up”

There is little doubt that Meghan and Harry have set the standard for a reformed and more progressive British monarchy with their gorgeously diverse and inclusive wedding ceremony. It was incredible.

It was quite unexpected too. I don’t think any of us really thought we would see such a dazzling divergence from the usual royal traditions. The passionate and engrossing sermon about the redemptive power of love from the wonderful reverend Michael Curry (quoting from MLK), the most beautiful performance from young cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason (Franz Schubert’s “Ave Maria,” Gabriel Fauré’s “Après un rêve” and Maria Theresia von Paradis’ “Sicilienne) and the moving rendition of Ben E. King’s Stand By Me by the gospel Kingdom Choir collectively made this a truly remarkable and historic moment for the Monarchy.

Meghan’s solitary yet bold entry into Windsor’s St George’s mediaeval Chapel and her speech at the evening reception were both statements of intent in terms of what influence Meghan, the feminist and all round good cause supporter, may wield over an institution that has only very recently started to fully embrace the increasingly diverse and tolerant modernity in which we live. The use of native plants in the floral displays was yet another positive statement made to show how the newly weds value environmental issues. This is a couple who promise to use their influence to make our planet a better place, one small step at a time. Their wedding was proof of that.

After all of the nay- sayers’ negativity over the past few months, it was refreshing to see such an overwhelmingly positive response from all around the world to the lovely couple as more than 100,000 well wishers descended on Windsor with another 13 million of us watching on our television sets.

Harry & Meghan: may the power of love bring you a wonderful and happy marriage!

Star Wars Fiesta

As you all know, I am a HUGE Star Wars fan.   Any excuse to celebrate this wonderful franchise, and I’m game for it!

I bought my first set of Think Geek Star Wars Geeki Tikis a couple of years back, and last year I acquired series 2, as well as the limited edition Jabba & Salacious Crumb set.  They are incredible (thank you ThinkGeek!), and I am hoping series 3 will feature some of the newer characters we were introduced to since the Force Awakens…  

But they had just sat looking pretty on the kitchen shelf for some time, and I hadn’t found the right opportunity to use them.

And so, when I was thinking of a theme for my birthday last year, I decided to use these fine specimens as my inspiration, and worked around them to create a “Star Wars Fiesta”!

I was particularly pleased with the end result:  a bright and exotic twist on my previous, more traditional, Star Wars events, with plenty more sophistication than your usual Mos Eisley cantina.

ThinkGeek GeekiTikis

Series 1: R2D2, Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Boba Fett, Yoda & Stormtrooper

Series 2: Jawa, C3PO, Wampa, Taun Taun, Wicket & Tusken Raider

Special Edition: Jabba the Hutt and Salacious Crumb

http://www.thinkgeek.com

 

Fright Night @ the Englands 2016

Ok, so I totally didn’t get around to posting about this back in 2016!!  But finally, here is a breakdown of our first Halloween party in our new house, and for the first time, we had plenty of space to buy extra pumpkins!DSC_1181

I decided to have another traditional Halloween theme, and I hope to be able to re-use what I have for years to come, and merely supplement what we have rather than changing the theme every year.  This is part of our attempt to avoid having too much waste and to re-use and recycle where we can.

Creep it real

As I said, this was the first time we have been able to decorate more than one room for Halloween, and to have outside space to use – I took full advantage of this, and had a perfect excuse to visit a local pumpkin patch to fill a wheelbarrow full of them!

14642014_10157630846245440_4141259043395926458_n.jpg

Eat, drink & be scary!

I love coloured pasta, and bought the monochrome bow variety for our party.  The cheeseboard was sourced from Pong.com, and for pudding, we had chocolate mousse graveyards.  The bar looked particularly macabre too.

Double double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble

It wouldn’t be a party either, without some dry ice from Chillisticks.com – this stuff is just so amazing!

Hell is empty and all the devils are here

Thank you to our lovely guests for joining us, and for making such an effort with the costumes:)

Happy Force Of July – Another Star Wars Party

It is an important year for us Star Wars nerds. Not only are we looking forward to the eighth instalment of the franchise being released in December, but 2017 also marks the 40th anniversary of the original theatrical release of Star Wars (later re-named Episode IV) a long time ago way back in May 1977.  

It is difficult to think if a world without our favourite space opera and it is incredible to think that forty years on, it continues to be as popular as ever.

I always try and choose an appropriate theme for my annual Independence Day parties.  Over the years we’ve had a Wild West theme, Captain America and Apollo tributes with last year marking the centennial of the National Park Service.   For this year’s event, I couldn’t help myself in choosing Star Wars as our theme in light of its own very special birthday this year.

As regular readers will know, this is not the first time I have used this theme.  I pretty much try and think of any excuse to have a Star Wars themed party or event.  It is such a good theme, after all!  Without wishing to duplicate previous ideas, I set out to devise an entirely new backdrop for the party.  As it was an Independence Day party, I used the red, white and blue pallete as the basis with a touch of grey and black mixed in.

Mos Eisley’s Cantina 

You can’t have a Star Wars bar without making some reference to the notorious watering hole.  I found some labels online and uses my limited IT skills to produce the Qui-Gon’s Gin label disguised as the well loved Hendricks brand.

We also purchased some truly magical Sharish blue gin which turned a paler pink when tonic was added.  A flourish of dry ice (from Chillisticks online) made the drinks worthy of any Tatooine villainous scum!


Bar snacks

I reverted to my usual party fare, but enhanced with some pretty easy adornments.   The pulled Rancour sliders (recipe from Whatsgabbycooking) were accompanied by a Maz ‘n cheese (Martha Stewart Four Cheese Macaroni Cheese) and BB8, Death Star and Millennium Falcon pizzas.   To follow, cloud city puddings (aka jelly/jello fluff), Rebel Alliance cookies, Stormtrooper Pez, Ewok biscuits, M&Ms, Skittles and Milk Bar galaxy cake truffles continued the theme.  And May the S’Mores Be With You…


Scene setters

I’ve accumulated plenty of red white and blue items over the years as well as an array of Star Wars props.  I raided our Star Wars guest room and used our Skywalker lightsaber light and figures to decorate the table.  Guests were serenaded with the New Hope vinyl soundtrack and my vintage 1980 Empire Strikes Back napkins looked awesome.


We had some great costumes too: a Darth Vader, Princess Leia and I went as a female Han Solo.  The costume was easier than I had expected to pull together.  A utility shirt with a cut up t-shirt for the tank top with blue jeans decorated with small pieces of red electrical tape.  I purchased a toy blaster that I spray painted to look more like the original and managed to find a holster on Amazon.  img_0694

I hope everyone has an amazing holiday and Happy Force of July everyone! 

#HappyForceOfJuly

The Battle of Endo(r) – A geek’s perspective on life with endometriosis

img_7641-1I haven never really spoken about my six-year battle with Endometriosis.  It’s been tough, and to date, I’ve never felt able or indeed confident enough to talk about it.  The recent awareness campaign culminating in the report issued on 27th March 2017 by the Women’s Health APPG spearheaded by Paula Sherriff MP, as well as the brave recent disclosures of the talented Lena Dunham, however, have changed my mind.  I feel now would be a good time to share my experience with others who may find it reassuring to know they are not alone in the galaxy, and that help is never far, far away.

Let’s start with the opening crawl: Endometriosis is a chronic condition affecting many women across the world (one in ten here in the U.K.) and causes endometrial tissue (which normally lines the uterus) to grow outside of the uterus, but is unable to escape the body in the same way as uterus cells.  This causes scarring and growth, which can take various forms, including lesions, modules and cysts.  The causes of the disease are generally unknown and diagnosis is particularly challenging in light of this lack of understanding, as well as the broad range of symptoms a person may be experiencing.

From the news reports last week, in some respects, I consider myself one of the lucky ones.  I was diagnosed with the disease within a month back in 2011, having visited a savvy ultrasound consultant in Cardiff who was investigating a large and painful nodule I had protruding near my belly button.  It was this incredible lady who made the connection between the unusual tissue protrusion and the cyclical pain I was experiencing and she referred me immediately to an expert private gynecologist who confirmed the prognosis within a fortnight.

After my initial diagnosis I had surgery to remove the large nodule (which was about 4cm and as diseased as the horrid Salacious B Crumb) shortly afterwards.

Instead of the average 7 years, my clinical diagnostic journey was more akin to the Kessler Run undertaken by the legendary Millennium Falcon, the speed (maybe not quite 12 parsecs) unquestionably efficient, and for that I am deeply grateful.

The empire strikes back

Whilst much of the emphasis seems to have been on the failures of diagnosis, what many don’t fully appreciate is that the disease is not curable and the options available are not always palatable, or indeed, fully effective.

Hormone treatment is presently the most effective option, and can be used following excision to manage and suppress symptoms for long periods of time.  Pregnancy can also alleviate symptoms temporarily but the presence of Endo makes this a less certain option for many sufferers by affecting fertility.

After my first surgery, I (naively) thought that would be the end of it, but three years later the pain escalated to such an extent that I would often be incapacitated for days at a time.  More surgery was recommended, followed by a 4 month hormone induced menopause and HRT treatment, which was hoped to force-blast any remaining tissue from my body.  I would not advocate this latter treatment as it resulted in horrendous hot flashes and angsty moodiness worthy of young Anakin Skywalker himself.

I didn’t think such pain existed. In any universe.

Part of the difficulty people have had in getting diagnosed is because the symptoms are diverse and often resemble other conditions.  Some people may not even know they have it, as some have no symptoms or pain at all, and may only discover the disease when they look to start a family and struggle to do so.  I am one of those who experiences chronic pain.  Whatever anyone says, the affliction is nothing like regular “period pain”, and the pain (together with other symptoms such as nausea, vertigo and headaches) lasts for many days at various points of the menstrual cycle.

As C-3PO once eloquently informed Jabba the Hutt about the unfortunate fate of Boba Fett having failed into the Sarlacc sand pit, “in [your belly] you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years“.   OK, so I exaggerate a little. Endo is not life threatening, but its symptoms are collectively debilitating.  The pain is two-fold: the crippling cramps feel as if I have my very own Sarlacc presiding in the depths of my pelvis; the sharp stabbing pain akin to a cheese-grater-wielding General Grievous, trapped inside, looking for a way out.  On top of this, the nausea and general unexplained exhaustion kicks in. For up to ten days of every month, I suffer in relative obscurity as I try and keep it all under the radar and try to continue with my demanding job as a lawyer as best as I can in the circumstances.  I have been fortunate that my boss at work has been excellent throughout this time (notwithstanding the fact that I have never actually discussed the condition with him) and I couldn’t have suffered so long without the tireless support of my scruffy-looking scoundrel of a husband.

Strike me down and I will become more powerful as you can imagine (but not in a good Obi-Wan way)

After competing the course of hormone injections in 2014, I hoped that the disease would give me a break, or that maybe I would find myself expecting a little Luke or Leia to alleviate the symptoms via a more natural method, but here I find myself in 2017 sat at home recovering from my third bout of excision surgery.

It was an unpleasant experience overall (but the staff at the Spire hospital were fantastic).  What surprised me this time around was how extensive it was.  Not only had the disease spread like the Galactic Empire army to engulf most of my pelvic area, but also extended to my liver and setting up additional garrisons upwards onto my diaphragm.  This spread does explain, however, then chest pain I have had for a while as well as back and neck pain.  I had no idea it could move to areas outside of the pelvis, and I encourage everyone to relay all symptoms you may be having to your doctor, as it seems that most of all of my recent ailments can be attributed to this bizarre and capricious disease.  As this piece probably conveys, the disease is a complex weapon system much like the Death Star, but unlike the Empire’s most sophisticated weapon, Endo has no identifiable reactor core that can be taken out by a skilled X-Wing pilot.

After being in surgery for four hours, I returned to my room and was hooked up to a drip and other breathing apparatus to recover.  I felt dreadful, the internal trauma caused by the excision of the significant amount of rogue tissue, quite considerable.  I was swollen from thighs to belly, as immobile and puffy as the blue organ playing elephant, Max Rebo.

My first venture to the bathroom was a particular highlight, the transition from a lying position to a sitting up one forced ghastly retching, which produced a substance that I can only describe as putrid Bantha milk.  That I concluded was the remnants of the anesthetic, but who really knows.  A Cantina worthy cocktail of morphine, codeine and paracetamol kept me going through the night and into the days that followed.

Recovery has been frustratingly slow, and it’s taken some time to become less of a clumsy Gonk Droid and to start being able to fend for myself.

A new hope 

Whatever happens next, I am sure that I do not want to have to revert to this option again, and living with the pain is no longer an option.  With most of the tissue removed, I have a short window of time before the cycle will inevitably start again.  So for me, I have some difficult decisions to make.

The reason I have not taken more permanent action to date was because I had plans to have a family of my own, and taking the hormonal option would (of course) not have been a viable option taking account of this aspiration. Sadly, however, the past five years have passed all too quickly: It’s been one long emotional Speeder chase, during which I have had to come to terms with the increasingly likely alternative reality of not being a mother due to my Hoth-like, inhospitable reproductive system.

This realisation and subsequent reluctant acceptance has involved a strange grieving process for a life you will never have but that you’d always hoped you have, as well as grieving for the youngling you will never help bring into this world.  Whilst biological motherhood may not be what the midi-chlorians had in mind for me, I take a great deal of comfort in knowing that I already have four beautiful and very special padawans in my life.  I will always be there for my nieces and goddaughters as the Organas and Lars’ were there for the young Skywalker twins.

That being said, today is a new day, a new beginning and I am not quite ready to give up and take the permanent option just yet…

For all of you brave women out there fighting their own Battles of Endo, may the force be with you, always.

Further information

www.endometriosis-uk.org

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page (reference guide for the non- Star Wars fan)

Do go to your doctor if you have any of the following symptoms:

Chronic pain (including pelvic, back and chest pain)

Headaches/ nausea

Fatigue/lack of energy

Depression/isolation

Problems with a couple’s sex life/relationships

An inability to conceive

Difficulty in fulfilling work and social commitments

“Game over, man! Game over.” – RIP Bill Paxton

Hollywood says goodbye to another acting legend today.  

Bill Paxton featured in some of the great 80s movies of my childhood, including The Terminator, Aliens and Weird Science.  His stardom exploded in the 90s, as he starred in many blockbuster classics, such as Twister, Titanic, True Lies, Tombstone and Apollo 13. 

His lasting legacy will be that he was the only actor to face all three of sci-fi’s most feared adversaries: the terminator, zenomorphs and the predator.  What a guy! 

RIP Bill Paxton 

May 17 1955 – February 25 2017